I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
