Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
