Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
