You smell like a Billy Joel song
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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