Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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