Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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