dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
