If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
