What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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