Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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