My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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