HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
