I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
