You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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