i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
