how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Holy sore nipples Batman
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
