franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
