I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
