Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
