If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
