I'm gonna have a badass scar
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
