Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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