I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
