just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
