4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
