That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize