upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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