No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
