i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
