idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
