I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
