rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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