it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
