bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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