Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I use my feet as sexual weapons
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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