remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
