There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
