How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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