i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
