he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
