so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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