you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
