My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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