Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
