Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
