Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
