ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
