my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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