dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize