Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
