ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
