whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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