why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
