Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
