he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
