apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
