every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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