I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
