After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
