i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
